Just Sparkle

 I want to thank everyone that has been reaching out to me. I really am okay. I know everyone is used to me always being upbeat and positive and honestly, I still am....I'm just a little lost at the same time. There are tons of us that didn't get picked. Tons of us. Most applicants apply to children's hospitals all over the United States. Someone told me they applied to 30 hospitals. I applied to 1, just 1. Not only does it limit my options, but I have less interview experience than my counter parts. But it still hurts. Especially because of my personal connection to that 1 place that I applied. And it isn't that I am "giving up" but I do think it is reasonable to be exploring my other options. For example, I could get my Masters of Arts in Teaching and become a teacher. Maybe I could even be in a small classroom setting where I could do some therapeutic type activities. I have a great job. I really do. I am able to interact with patients and...

I am feeling pretty lost. Last week, I found out that I did not get the child life internship. It was my fourth time applying. After my interview, I said that I would be disappointed if I did not get it but that I was glad to finally have an onsite interview. I also said that I believe everything happens for a reason...blah, blah, blah But, that feeling is out the door. I am mad, I'm hurt, and I feel lost. At this point, I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I will ever be good enough (to get a child life internship at my desired location). I have my degree, I have done my practicum and I have dedicated 7 years of my life to this company. I also have plenty of people in the field cheering for me but none of it is enough. I am not what they are looking for. If everything happens for a reason, what does this mean? What is it that I am supposed to be doing with my life? And why, at almost 40 years old haven't I figured it out yet?